Permission isn’t playful
“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” - Grace Hopper
I love people who break rules with enthusiasm. Maybe because it’s not something I really do, but I respect it a lot, and try to surround myself with people who think outside of ‘rules’, whatever that word even means.
That’s why Nigel Sylvester’s ‘Go’ (pictured) really resonated with me, it made me laugh out loud. The semi-innocent flaunting of rules, the “haaah, yeah, whatever” to the shopkeeper who yelled at him, the confidence attached to someone who has broken rules many times, with a net positive result.
There’s this other meme, where a guy spent over a year throwing eggs at his mum. What I like about it, aside from the absurd concept, is the positive reaction of the other family members, bystanders and even the mum too. It’s a break in routine for them, it’s playful, innocent, and an antidote to boredom. That’s an interesting memory for all of them now. There’s some mythology surrounding that guy.
The surprising effect of that ‘moment’ can often be more than a fun story, but actual meaning. It connects people.
Here’s an example from my life. A few days ago, I was sitting with some friends, drinking sangria and enjoying the sudden hot weather. We were on a ship that had been permanently docked and converted into an open air bar. Suddenly, we heard a scream, and saw a huge jet of water spurt up from below the boat, and land over a couple, soaking them both.
Everyone else clapped and laughed, and for a second we collectively shared compassion for their misfortune. But quickly we changed our tune. Whether the rest of their date turned out okay, they’ll remember that moment for a long time, and be sharing that memory with friends for months. That is the effect of the -un-ordinary.
The unexpected, random event is fun, and truly shapes our reality. These are the things that stick in our mind, change our thinking, and shape our worldview.
I think a simple way to introduce those moment into our lives, is by loosening our own assumptions of what is correct, cool, normal, and making sure your identity isn’t so tightly tied to ‘following the rules’.
May 28, 2016 life permission nigel sylvester new york writing risk
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I noticed an interesting, persuasive word this morning: ‘consider’. Consider is different than ‘buy’, ‘shop’, ‘visit’ or any other verb you might expect in an advertisement. I’ve never seen it used by a copywriter before.
Successful marketers understand that not everyone will instantly buy their product. That’s improbable, and delusional. But they would like you to remember it, and consider buying it at some point in the future, perhaps instead of another similar product.
And generally speaking, humans are more likely buy stuff they’re familiar with, they like, or that sounds interesting.
Working with those insights, successful marketers, designers, strategists and writers aim to “produce widely appealing materials and put them everywhere.” That’s ads.
That’s pretty much it.
Next time you see an advertisement for a product or service, imagine the word ‘consider’ first, and you’ll see this is a universal rule.
Consider a vacation to Iceland. Consider drinking kombucha. Consider signing up for Amazon Prime. Consider all natural deodorant.
Just consider it, that’s all I’m asking. It’s hard to disagree with that, isn’t it?
May 20, 2016 advertising persuasion marketing psychology amazon prime amazon billboard
Risk City
I found myself in a two bedroom apartment. Third floor walk up. Ground floor is a Chinese restaurant. Hamilton heights, upper Manhattan. I was getting shown a tiny bedroom covered in bags of clothes, by an attractive woman who play in a bluegrass band on weekends.
Why was I there? Well, it was a very cheap apartment. But, I realized that’s was a rationalization of a very emotional and irrational decision.
It’s natural for us to drift toward comfort. And I don’t mean physical comfort. Comfort in certainty, in control or whatever makes you feel comfortable, however ‘wrong’ it might be. We drift away from discomfort.
I made conversation with J, remarked on the interesting location and large living room. As I shook her hand goodbye, she quickly said, “look, you seem very normal, and you have a job, and you’re great, and I’m all in. The room is yours if you want it.” I smiled, and thanked her again for the comment and taking the time to show me around. I wasn’t going to take the room.
The real question was, what was I doing there in the first place? I have a perfectly good home in Brooklyn, which I pay a fair and good price for. What made me decide to visit a rent controlled apartment in upper Manhattan, and not a light filled loft in West village? Why not an improvement on my current (fairly humble) station in life? Something better?
The truth is, I don’t really know. That’s partly why I’m writing it down here. However, the experience was valuable, and I think kind of instructional.
It proved a few insights about myself, that I usually ignore.
- I shoot low more than I shoot high (low reward, low risk)
- I like predictability over unpredictability (low reward, low risk)
_“Manhattan is a tough place. If you’re not careful, it can chew you up and spit you out. But if you work hard, you can really hit it big, and I mean reall_y big.” - Donald Trump
When you live in Manhattan, you’re exposed to a lot of risk. It’s a very honest signal too, to sink your savings into the island, in hope to “hit it big”. You can’t fake it. Anyone visiting the city can spectate, but I’ll only listen to those who have their own money tied up here. That environment of pressure is undeniable. You see it everywhere. It gives New Yorkers their character, and also their empathy and compassion for each other.
“Everybody is dealing with the same shit, everybody is on the subway elbow-to-elbow.” - Louis C.K.
So the cognitive dissonance that I experienced, is maybe the fact that risk might be good for me, however wrong and uncomfortable that might feel. As a young guy, I can take it. There’s incredible upside and options to risk, that would be a shame to waste.
New York beats this thinking into you, and the harder you push back against it, and stand up to it and fight it, and invest in it, the sharper it makes you.
And really, who wants to look back at their life, as a 75 year old, and all you see is how little you spent and all the risks you didn’t take.
May 18, 2016 risk trump new york city life cognitive dissonance louis ck apartment
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Legal Paper
I always keep a stack of legal size paper on my desk, and a fresh sharpie nearby, so I can sketch anytime I want.
Pictured above are a few pages pulled at random. Not pretty, but that’s not the point!
I wouldn’t say that this is how I solve problems — For me it’s a mixture of writing, and talking to others about the problem, and then letting my unconscious mind do the heavy lifting in the background (eg. sleeping on it, working on something else, exercise etc). But sketching certainly helps.
I think designers love sketching because of the speed, and because it’s abstract enough so you’re not distracted by colourful pixels. It’s also a shared language between disciplines. Engineers will sketch via their mental models — so it often looks different (systems, data, components etc), but there’s usually enough commonality to understand and share — which is how you move projects forward.
This is an attempt to start writing more on this blog, sharing things about myself.
The thin green line
On Sunday, I played tennis alone.
I had a spare hour in the afternoon, and I decided to take my new racket for a spin. At the courts, it was windy and hot. There was a game of doubles on one court, and a lazy rally happening on another. And me, practicing my serves, by myself (which is perfectly fine).
After about 20 minutes, a passerby struck up a conversation. He was looking for a hitting partner. This was a first. He seemed like a nice, normal dude. So I said, sure why not. We played for about half an hour, before I had to get back to other non-tennis stuff. We shook hands, traded numbers, and went our separate ways.
This was a really novel thing for me.
In New York, it’s absolutely normal to have serendipitous meetings in the street, to make connections on dates, at parties, in whole foods. Cities can be isolating, but I think a smaller city or suburb that doesn’t afford so much walking and face to face interactions, would be much worse. (any car city for example). I’m thankful for that, because otherwise life wouldn’t be half so fun.
But how many times a year do you have really interesting, meaningful connections with complete strangers? Often, that’s the reason people enjoy multi-day music festivals so much. The festival was a fun, safe atmosphere that fostered connection.
The fact is, generally we don’t, because it’s safer and easier to stick with habits, friends, places and behavior that we know.
“Living your normal routine day is kind of like that—your brain is mostly on autopilot, and you’re living largely in an unconscious and comfortable groove.” - Tim Urban
I think the more you dig into your community and your surroundings, the more common and frequent these interactions become, in your daily life (not at burning man).
To spend time helping, and contributing to that ‘other’ side of things, beyond that green line, (basically anyone other than you, and great if its a group of people, like a neighborhood, or a team) seems to me, to be really important.