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These Books Will Make You Rethink Your Life
Inspired by Ben’s bookshelf post, I thought I’d share the best books I’ve read this year. If I had to pick one, it’d be 1984, by a long shot.
We’re about halfway through 2017, and I’m sticking with my goal to read 50. Goodreads reminds me that although I’ve finished 24, I’m “2 behind schedule”. Life get’s in the way sometimes, right?
I don’t have a particular strategy, aside from reading as much as I can.
I always buy books that I think look interesting, so there’s always something available to read.
One thing I’ve noticed is I tend to want to read non-fiction, but I end up reading (and enjoying) fiction more.
Also, instead of reading one at a time, I’ll have 5 or 6 that I’m actively flicking through, and if one sticks, I’ll lock onto it until I’m finished.
You can view what I’m currently reading here.
Creatures of habit
What do you do when you feel unhappy about your station in life?
When you feel like things just aren’t lining up the way you thought they would?
For me, sometimes I write.
The stuff I write is awkward. It’s personal, self-centered. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to share over beers with friends. But it needs to get _out of my head _all the same.
This practice has two benefits. One, you instantly feel better. Two, your words become breadcrumbs. Sign posts. They remind you where you’ve been before, and sometimes even why.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling burnt out, listless, lonely.
I’d felt a similar way about a year ago, to the day. Depressive deja-vu.
How did I know that? Because I’d written about it, in a private journal entry. I’d stumbled onto my own breadcrumb.
I quickly found the file, a google doc.
It was shocking, and upsetting to read. I wrote about every insecurity I had, missed opportunities, some trivial, some significant. It’s a rousing pep talk by a guy with major self-loathing, and social anxiety. A lot of moaning and complaining for someone who doesn’t have any actual problems in their life. To be honest, it’s embarrassing.
But maybe that’s a good thing.
“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed by who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.” - Alain de Botton
I’ve changed in many ways, since that day. But some environmental things and habits have not. These are the patterns I look for.
Humans like routines. We have our addictions, “the elements of our true nature…that enslave you”.
Writer Way Spurr-Chen sums this idea up neatly: “I believe that we all have a psychological center - an emotional default from which we live our lives. It is the version of our selves that we settle on most often, and who we generally conceptualize ourselves as.”
He continues, “your center is not necessarily the best or most optimal “place” for you so much as it is the most comfortable one. Your center might involve drinking, watching Netflix, and ordering in more than you should, but it’s familiar and you know exactly how to operate in this space.”
In both occasions, I was comfortable, since I was reading, writing and coding, rather than playing a musical instrument in front of audience (something that would be painful and unusual for me).
But I was also alone, without friends or family, and deeply locked into an old, familiar experience. I was stuck in my head. And that’s a problem.
Moving from the problem space to the solution space, I can think of a few ideas to avoid returning to my center like an anxious homing pigeon.
I need to ask, what feels unfamiliar to me?
The following activities, behaviors and experiences fit the bill. They are draining - since they are uncomfortable, but also weirdly energizing.
Busyness. When I’m busy my brain is put to use. When I’m busy I feel like my actions speed up to match my thoughts.
Aggression. Well, not aggression but I can’t think of the right word. Whenever I have to go on the offensive, be assertive, compete, show off, outsmart etc.
Risk & Adrenaline. I’ve written previously about my aversion to risk and how I like to ‘play dead’ financially. Risk can come from spending money, taking a trip, saying yes to something unknown. What Taleb would call skin in the game.
In many ways, these traits complete a picture of my shadow self (very Type-A).
The more time I spend in situations with intense conflict, risk, competition and action, and less time indulging in my own creative expression (yes I know Im writing a blog post..), the healthier.
How to get my signature
In the morning, I often ride my bike to work.
I ride across the Williamsburg bridge, and then up first avenue.
Today, at the end of the bridge, where it merges with the footpath, a woman with a clipboard stepped out in front of me.
She was looking for signatures. Her group wants the city to improve a street in Brooklyn for cyclists. One proposed idea was a protected bike lane.
To me, it sounded like a great idea. I looked around and saw a few other fellow commuters giving signatures and happily chatting with the volunteers.
In New York, this is unusual.
There’s always volunteers for something asking you to do something - but most people don’t stop and talk to them.
At least, I don’t. But this morning, I did.
Why?
I think it might be instructive to unpack my decision/compliance.
- I’d literally just cycled down that street. It was a bad experience. Big trucks, lots of road works. I felt unsafe.
- Cycling in New York in dangerous. Anything to protect cyclists from cars and trucks is a net postive.
- I saw other cyclists joining in.
- I was in a good mood.
- It was a sunny pleasant morning.
- I had to stop anyway to wait for the light.
- I wasn’t in a rush.
- I didn’t need to get off my bike.
- I didn’t need to give money.
- The form was short and easy to fill in. Name, address, signature.
- The volunteer was friendly and smiled at me.
- Overall positive vibe — Cyclists looking out for each other.
The light turned green and I rode on my way.
About 10 minutes later, at the intersection of 14th and 1st Avenue, something strange happened.
At the red light, a group of volunteers were asking for signatures again, for the same cause.
But something felt different, and I realized that if I hadn’t been approached earlier, I still wouldn’t have offered my name and signature.
Why?
Busier, louder street setting.
- Less of a wait before red light.
- Lots more pedestrians around.
- Pressure from cyclists behind me.
- I was in outside of bike lane, volunteers were on curb. Difficult for me to cross lane to talk to them.
- No other cyclists were leaving signatures.
- One of volunteers was begging for signatures.
Maybe less likely this pack of commuters were from Brooklyn, so less knowledable/affected by cause.
A common theme I notice for both situations is “friction”. Lowered and increased.
I believe motivation is very fluid, and affected by mood more than we think — No matter how much Rocky 4 soundtrack we listen to. Meaning, we are less in control of it as we like to think. (Like willpower.)
A bigger factor, I’d argue, is the ‘ability’ axis, or how ‘easy’ something is to do. That may be a better predictor of our behaviour.
In first scenario, at Williamsburg bridge, I was primed to leave a signature. I was the right person, at the right time, and in the right place. Giving my signature was very easy for me to do.
And good news for practitioners: It can be optimized.
Here’s an example. Imagine asking 450 people to draw a smiley face on a piece of a paper. For half the people, you hand them a brand new sharpie, maybe with the lid off. The rest are simply given the sheet of paper. By supplying all the necessary materials, you’ve significantly reduced friction, and are likely to get more of what you want.
Or want people to use reward points? Make it pre-selected.
Make your goal incredibly easy to do, and people will be more likely to do it.
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If no option can kill you, the best decision is usually the one that will leave you with the most interesting story to tell, win or lose.
Venkatesh Raoundefined